Saturday, November 05, 2005
There's always a huge gap between plain hardworking and working smart. Was i completely oblivious? or i didn't dare to acknowledge it?Hardworking only shows the process of your eagerness to learn and practise. It doesn't lead to any success. So what? so what everybody thinks you deserve it? What do you get in the end? praises or rather, uselessness? It's just not enough. it's just not the right thing to do.Working smart leads you to the right path to success. And that is the path which is always shrouded in darkness in my whole entire life. Should i light it up and make it alive? or should i always remain fearful and avoid it??i doubt so.It's time. Perhaps. Perhaps blaming myself is just the best solution. But wait, perhaps it's nobody's fault. It's my attitude.I have only one thing to learn. : i do things for the sake of myself, not for the sake of other ppl. So what you show to them how mighty and worthy you are? are you happy? What do you get in the end? I will work hard, for the sake of myself. Besides, The person who shares the fruits of labour will be nobody but YOURSELF.There's just this tiny little door which leads you to the world of happiness. Why, on earth am i hesitating and preventing myself from opening this door? and rather shroud myself in a world of self pity and misery?! IT's really time to wake up. There's nobody to help. And there's nothing that can be done. Only i can help myself. Wake up and face the reality. There's no point hiding in that well of yours. So what if everything is kept a secret? so what everything is just between you and the four walls? Does it help? I would say, i worsens the situation.perhpas i've changed. STRESS is all i needed. Indubitably, i'm weird. But how do you explain the coutless reminders every time? What is the result? I've been at the starting point. And i have always been there. The finishing point is nowhere in sight. perhpas it's just a stone throw's away. Perhaps it is right there all along. There's simply no time to reproach myself. NO time to shed any more tears. The tears represents the burdens that i have abandoned. And i fervently hope i mean it.LEt me start afresh. I will never forgive myself. This is never what i wished for. But there's just this huge difference between wishing and making your wish come true. I may be weak as a weakling. But i can learn to be strong. I made myself end up in this state and nobody is to be blamed. PLEASE. QUELL ALL MY FEARS.
-drowning in an abyss of ignorance.
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